


Run Away With Me

by warriorfelix



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, i cannot proof read for the life of me, i have not written in a while this is awful jesus, murder me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3788488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warriorfelix/pseuds/warriorfelix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan accidentally kills a guy and it eventually drives him to the brink of insanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark Alleys are Dangerous Cliche

**Author's Note:**

> I have not written in a while. Please be forgiving. I'm just trying to find my footing again and I'm not great at action scenes or anything like that which is why the first chapter is so blunt.  
> literally inspired by the new stage 5 facility tour in which burnie goes a little insane and begs gavin to run away with him. idk.

As the night progressed, Ryan could visibly see Gavin’s inhibitions float away one by one with each and every drink he consumed. Ryan had his own ginger ale in his hand, taking a sip occasionally as he listened to Gavin’s slurred attempt at flirting, Ryan calmly nodding and adding in _if you think so_ ’s where appropriate. Gavin did this every time they went out together, although he likes to pretend it never happened whenever Ryan brings it up in regular sober conversation. The minute Gavin gets intoxicated he falls in love with Ryan. And Ryan laps it up because despite having a loving wife and kids, he sort of maybe totally has a thing for Gavin too. Alright, so he totally fucking loves Gavin. But he doesn’t long to be with him or anything like that, Ryan realised that it just wouldn’t and couldn’t work out that way a long time ago and it was stupid of him to break up his family and hurt his wife, who he still cared for very much, to go off on some gay love fantasy. So he had to be content with going to bars with Gavin, getting him drunk and listening to Gavin tell him all the things he wants to hear. That he’s beautiful and that Gavin loves him. And Ryan can say he loves Gavin too without having to worry Gavin will remember it in the morning. It’s not ideal, but it works.  
  
“Alright buddy, time to call it a night I think”, Ryan said with Gavins arm (and entire body weight) hanging off Ryans shoulder as they exited the pub.  
“Awww, but Ry’n… I jus’ wanna have’a couple more befs… could ya gimme a kiss at leas’?” Gavins speech was whiny and slurred, but Ryan obliged and after he waved down a taxi, he propped Gavin up straight to give him a peck on the lips, as he had done many times before. Gavin shook the dreamy look off his face as he concentrated on getting in the taxi that had pulled up beside them and suddenly looked up at Ryan, concerned.  
“Are ya… _totally_ sure that yer cool on yer own?” Gavin asked as Ryan shut the taxi door behind the Brit, now staring out the window.  
“I’m fine Gavin, I live like 5 minutes away! Don’t you worry about me.” Ryan paused and hesitated, as he always did before he said it.  
‘I love you Gavin. I’ll see you on Monday.” Ryan beamed at Gavin as the taxi started to drive off.  
“I love you too Rye! Don’t even forget it!” Gavin stuck his head out the window and screamed back passionately as the taxi sped off.

Ryan loved that shit. Gooey lovey drunk Gavin was his favourite Gavin. He let himself be engulfed in the thought of the young man as he walked down the side of the pub through an alley, the shortest way to get home. Everything about that boy… his smile, his accent, the deodorant he uses, the way he tries to impress Ryan when they’re out together, as if Ryan needs to be impressed to want to go home with Gavin. If things were different, he’d go home with Gavin every single night.

Ryans thoughts were interrupted as he heard a glass bottle smash at the other end of the long alleyway. A plump dark figure stumbled through and tried to yell at Ryan, although the words weren’t coherent. Ryan was a big guy, over 6 foot and quite sober so one drunk angry fat and kinda short guy looking for a fight didn’t bother him that much. As the figure approached him, it started shouting more aggressively. Ryan could only just make out a few words here and there, mostly “money”, “prick” and “no games”. So this guy wanted to rob him. Totally scary. The guy looked like the wind could blow him over, he was wobbling around so much. Ryan kept slowly pacing towards him, thinking his actions through. If he kept to the side enough, he could hopefully either just walk right past, or if the guy tried to make a lunge for him, he could just transfer the dudes weight and bring him to the ground without really hurting him, just leaving Ryan time to get away. Ryan felt pretty confident in his plan when…  
* _click click_ *  
Oh fuck.  
This motherfucker has a gun.  
Ryan quickly ducked behind a dumpster as the fiend shot randomly into the area where Ryan had been just a moment ago. Ryan was almost frozen to the side of the dumpster, eyes glued open with fear and adrenaline. He heard something drop to the ground, and then some vomiting. Ryan looked back around the corner to see the guy keeled over a pool of his own spew, gun on the ground next to him. Ryan wasn’t about to wait for an invitation so he dashed out from behind the dumpster, kicked the gun out of reach of the guy (who was now realizing what was going on around him) and tried to balance himself as the guy tackled Ryan to the ground. The dude, chunks of spew still surrounding his mouth and hanging off his chin, tried to pin Ryan down and punch him in the face. He succeeded at clocking Ryan in the jaw and as Ryans head rolled limp to the side, screaming with pain on the inside, he noticed the gun lying within arms reached and madly grabbed for it while the drunk guy desperately tried to keep his arms pinned down. Ryan finally saw exactly what the gun looked like and managed to grab onto the pistol-y hand gun thing and hit the drunk guy over the head with it. The guy went limp with shock for just long enough that Ryan could scramble out from underneath him and get onto his feet before the guy was up in the same position directly facing Ryan, trying to wrestle the gun out of Ryans hands. In the struggle the gun went off and both Ryan and the drunk guy stumbled backwards in shock and the gun dropped between them, both of the men having letting go when they heard the shot ring through the air. Ryan frantically patted at his own body before looking up as the other man fell to the ground limp with a shot to the heart.

 

“Fuck, what the… fuck no. No, no, no I did not just kill a guy are you fucking kidding me?” Ryans head started to pound and his vision started to blur. His instinct told him to run and with nothing else to rely on, his did just that all the way home, fighting back tears.


	2. "You Can't Just Shut Us Out Forever!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is only a little bit (a lot) crazy.

Ryan arrived late to the office the next Monday morning. The previous 24 hours had consisted of an exhausting amount of anxiety and very little sleep to make up for it. He’d received a text at some point from Gavin asking him if he got home alright but he didn’t have the strength or the lying power to reply. The truth was Ryan had fucking killed that guy, completely sober. He knew in the back of his head it was an accident and it was probably his life or the other guys but he had still been the one to pull the trigger. The other guy. Ryan didn’t even know his fucking name. He felt so ashamed, he could have been the better man, he didn’t drink almost specifically for this reason.  
  
“Hey Ryan! Good to see you buddy!” An excited and sober Gavin pounced at Ryan, tearing him away from his darker thoughts.  
“Yeah, hey, Gav. How’s things?” Ryan asked with no real intention of listening to the answer.  
“I’m just fine, but you look like a bloody wreck. What happened with you?” Gavin questioned the older man, and suddenly Ryan felt the eyes of all the other Achievement Hunting men staring at him, studying his disheveled hair and dark, droopy eyes, their judgments weighing him down like lead.  
“I’m fine, please…  I just didn’t get much sleep last night. Drank caffine after 8 or whatever. Don’t worry about it.” Ryan did his best to put together an excuse then brushed past a now worried Gavin and did his best to ignore the looks of concern from all the other men in the room.

Ryan felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around with a loud sigh, he was faced with Geoff, who looked both concerned and displeased.  
“Listen dude, you know you can talk to me about shit, alright? Maybe you just haven’t slept but I have a hard time believing that. You’ve come in later, brushed us all off like we’re the enemy. I don’t know what’s going on, but if it starts to impact on your work I’ll be making you talk about it, got it?” Geoff was always very definite in his conviction but he sounded more like a worried dad than an angry boss.  
“Yeah, I know. I got it Geoff, it’s fine.” Ryan said, cringing at himself when his words came out more panicked than they were meant to.

As Ryan went to turn back around to his desk, he caught Rays eyes, who looked like he was about to burst into tears. Ryan knew that Ray cared probably more than anyone, but it didn’t matter. Ryan was going to be just fine. He’d find a way to cope. He’d figure it out. He always did. Ryan quickly buried his mind into his work, trying to get the images out of his head of that night, of Gavin… everything.

A week passed with similar going-ons to that Monday. Ryan would get in late looking almost homeless and smelling like it too (Ryan hadn’t been able to bring himself to bathe. It meant having to stare at himself, and he couldn’t even deal with seeing his own reflection), be met with concerned stares from everyone, particularly Ray. He’d put his headphones on and wouldn’t take them off until he had to go home, trying to avoid the dumb antics of Gavin across the room. Gavins concern was expressed in a different way, like offering to buy Ryan lunch or taking some editing jobs off his hands and _always_ trying to cheer him up with his usual silly antics. But by the end of the week, Ryan had eaten so little he barely had the strength to hold himself and Gavin up when Gavin tried to jump on his back during a Shenanigans filming. Ryan snapped at Gavin to be more fucking careful because Ryan _obviously_ wasn’t in the mood and immediately felt guilty.

“All any of us are trying to do is make you feel better!” Gavin snapped back, despite the look on Ryans face resembling a guilty puppy ready to be scolded.  
“You’re not letting anyone in! You can’t just shut us out forever, especially when it’s making you like this. This has been going on for almost a week now, it’s bloody ridiculous and it’s making us all really worried. What the hell is going on Ryan?”

Ryan felt like just disappearing. Gavin was right, someone would find out sooner or later. All Ryan had been doing at home was avoiding his wife and kids, that was suspicious enough. He’d been drinking more, locking himself away. He found himself rocking back and forth at one point and he was afraid to sleep because all he ever saw when he closed his eyes was blood pouring from a hole in a man’s body he’d made himself.  
Suddenly, Ryan was scared. Terrified. And then he was defensive, angry. Part of him wanted to just lash out at Gavin, fucking just hit him. He knew it was irrational and through this entire thought process the Achievement Hunters had turned off their various recording devices and were staring in awe at what had come of such a simple playful act.

Ryan had no idea how to react or how to get his feelings. He felt bottled up. Gavin had stood down by now and Ray approached him, eyes welling up with tears. He slowly reached out for Ryans hand, opening his mouth to let out comforting words, but the minute Rays hand touched his own he pulled back, disgusted.  
“Get the fuck off…” Ryan mumbled at Ray angrily, not really wanting to act the way he was acting but not seeing any other rational way to react.  
“Ryan, fucking please. It hurts so much to see you like this, please… It just hurts…” Ray stuttered as he began to cry, hot tears down his face. That got Ryan really fucking angry.  
“You think it hurts? You think that fucking hurts? You have no idea, none of you have any fucking clue!” Ryan screamed, staring at Ray but addressing the whole crew. They all tried to reply in their own way but Rays voice was the one that got over the top.  
“Then let me in! I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on, none of us can! And you don’t need to take it out on Gavin either, he loves you dude!” And with those words, Ryan lunged at Ray, wrapping his hands around Rays throat, shoving him back against a wall. Michael was the first to move to Rays defence, trying to drag Ryan off of Ray but Ryan violently shrugged him off to spit-whisper into Rays ear viciously.  
“Leave Gavin out of this. That’s none of your fucking business. He is beautiful and you don’t deserve to even _talk_ about him, let alone talk for him. I would fucking kill for that man, you hear me? I would murder…” Ryan was terrified at how powerful he felt with Ray completely defenceless under his hold. He could feel Rays tiny hands clawing at his own trying to escape but his own efforts were meaningless. It was only when Geoff and Jack stepped in the help out Michael (who had been screaming the whole time “Get off him you fucking psycho!”) were they all able to rip Ryan off of Ray, with Ray tumbling to the floor grasping for air. Michael instantly pounced on Ryan, knocking them both to the floor, and all of a sudden Ryan was back where he was that night. Scrambling on the ground, and then a hit to the jaw. He could hear Michael yelling at him still, “Don’t you dare fucking touch him again! Don’t you dare fucking touch him!” somewhere in the background, but he could feel the cold wet pavement of the alleyway on his back, he could smell the booze and vomit on the mans face, he could see the gun. He was reaching for it, as if in slow motion, everything was playing out again, and then blacked out.


	3. Lier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry  
> i am so sorry

Coming to consciousness again, Ryan felt himself in the fetal position on the floor of the Achievement Hunter office, weeping. His jaw hurt a lot and he only vaguely knew why, but he had just killed that guy. Worst time to have a flashback. He looked up and registered that there were only three people left in the room. Michael and Ray had obviously left. Geoff and Jack were in the corner of their room with their arms crossed, whispering. Gavin was leaning over Ryan tentatively with a hand on his shoulder. Ryan came to properly, sat up and embraced Gavin in a tight hug. Gavin froze up underneath the older man but relaxed as he realized Ryan was crying into his shoulder.  
“I’m so sorry Gavin, I’m so - sorry. I’m such a horrible person, I just – I just love you and I’m so sorry.” Ryan was whispering through sobs.  
“You…? Okay, um… Let’s take you home. We have a lot to talk about.” Gavin looked over to Geoff for some help getting Ryan back on his feet. Both Geoff and Jack walked over cautiously. Jack grabbed a very weak Ryan under the arms and pulled him to his feet and before Ryan could even get is bearings, Geoff put both his hands firmly on Ryan’s shoulders.   
“As much as I care about you and your wellbeing, that shit is not acceptable here. You know that. You lucky Ray begged us not to call the cops or your ass would be hauled out of here. Don’t you ever pull something like that again or I will beat your ass myself. Go home and get your fucking shit together.” Geoff’s message was very clear and Ryan didn’t need to be told twice. He straightened out his shirt, wiped the tears from his face and walked out of the room with his head hung low, Gavin trailing anxiously behind him.

The two men arrived at Gavin’s apartment because as Gavin pointed out, some of the things they needed to talk about probably weren’t appropriate conversation for Ryan’s wife and kids to hear.

Gavin ushered Ryan through the door, directed him to the couch and offered him a drink, which Ryan declined, but Gavin brought him some water anyway. The younger man sat himself down on the couch next to Ryan and stared down at his clenched hands for a moment before speaking.

“Look, I don’t know why you did what you did to Ray but the only reason he didn’t call the cops is because he’s obsessed with you and you’re the only one who can’t see it. In fact it’s like you go out of your way to swerve anyone who tries to make advances towards you…”  
“Gavin, I’m a married man for a start, and I’m… I don’t like… men.” Ryan was trying to convince himself and Gavin at the same time, but his heart had been going a million miles an hour since he gained consciousness earlier and his hands were so sweaty and shaking so violently he had to put his glass down to avoid an accident.

“Ryan… I’m sure we have bigger fish to fry but I can’t stop thinking about it. What you said earlier… I don’t know if it was in the heat of the moment or…” Gavin was cut short by a flustered Ryan.  
“Is it a heat of the moment thing every time you tell me you love me when you’re drunk? Is it heat of the moment every time you kiss me, tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me, any of that shit? Because you seemed pretty ashamed any other time I try to bring it up.” Ryan was frustrated but at least Gavin had been the one to bring it up so Ryan didn’t feel like he was being a dick by retaliating.  
“No, I… I don’t remember it most of the time. I’m sure you know that by now, but I mean… You’re cute and stuff. I dunno, I guess I get carried away. Maybe I do love you, I dunno. I haven’t given it much thought…”  
Gavin went to continue but he noticed Ryan’s demeanor had completely changed from anxious to downright depressed. Ryan had honestly hoped that once he got Gavin to confess sober that they might actually have a chance, even if it had to be a secret. But Gavin said he hadn’t even thought about it.  
“Rye… is that why you’ve been acting like this? Is this actually what’s driven you up the wall?” Gavin asked, suddenly terribly guilty and nervous at the same time. With that question, Ryan felt like he was about to throw up, or pass out, or something. There was no good excuse for what he had done. Trying to lighten the mood, Gavin joked.  
“I mean, it’s not like you’ve killed a guy, can’t be much worse than that!” Ryan felt the half a glass of water and the one piece of toast he’d had that day running for his throat. Ryan shot up and made a dash for the kitchen sink, just reaching it in time to let himself throw up.

Gavin stood up to go comfort the older man, but he realised.  
“Wait, seriously?”  
“Seriously what, Gavin?” Ryan spat out as he dry heaved once more.  
“You’ve killed someone.”  
Ryan let out a loud sigh and nodded, tears welling up yet again. He cocked his head sideways to rinse his mouth out under the tap as Gavin stood there dumbfounded in his own living room. Ryan stood up straight again, burning tears falling down his face, head low as Gavin slowly approached him. Taking a few steps into the kitchen, he realised he was scared. Ryan was possibly a danger. A threat, just as he had been to Ray, just for saying the wrong thing. Gavin was dealing with a mad man here. A crying mad man, but still. A murderer. Gavin subtly picked through his pockets for any sort of weapon, and decided to hold onto his house keys just in case.

“It-it was an accident, I swear to G-God… He came at me, he was drunk and it was dark and th-then he pulled a g-gun and it was gonna be either me or h-him and I just… I had such a great night with you. I really do love you Gavin, I ever lie about that, it was just easier to… n-not mention it, I guess. I’m scared, Gavin. I’m not the psycho everyone th-thinks I am and it h-hurts so much…”

Gavin let go of the keys in his pocket and slowly pulled Ryan in for a hug. The older man was weak, getting skinnier by the day. He looked too vulnerable to do any real damage to Gavin. Without warning, Ryan pulled Gavin’s head in for a kiss. Gavin tried to pull back but when Ryan was passionate, he was strong. Gavin struggled under Ryan’s grip but he felt sorry for Ryan, feeling the tears on his nose and smelling stale alcohol on his breath… Gavin relented and relaxed a little just to make Ryan happy. Gavin didn’t love him. He cared about him and he was cute, but Gavin knew he didn’t love the man. And even if he did, it would take a long time for Ryan to recover and Gavin just couldn’t deal with that emotionally. Finally, after having realised all this silently, Ryan eased his painful grip on Gavins arms and pulled away, eyes bloodshot and dazed.

“Run away with me, Gavin. No one will ever have to know. Please, it’ll just be me and you, our little secret.” Ryan pleaded. Gavin suddenly felt a little threatened again. Ryan obviously had very little concern for his consent and Gavin slowly reached into his pocket again.  
“I’m sorry Ryan… I can’t. I have Meg, and I’ve worked so hard to be where I am now and it just wouldn’t be fair on my family or anyone else…” Gavin wanted to continue but every word that came out of his mouth seemed to dim the light still left in Ryans eyes, at it was heartbreaking.

“Gavin, please… I need you more now than ever, please don’t do this to me… I need you… If this is what I’ve become after just a week of coping with this and you still being the constant fucking tease you are… Goddamit Gavin I don’t know what I’d do without you. Please, don’t fucking just leave me on my own, don’t you dare…” Ryan was crying angrily, as if Gavin was to blame for everything that had happened. Like it was Gavins fault that he had killed a man he didn’t even know the name of, that he had almost killed Ray, this all had to be Gavin’s fault. How could he just abandon him in his one hour of need?

Gavin felt the tension rising and realised he needed an out.  
“Look, how about I go get us some food and we can talk about it. I know you need me… It’s just a lot to take on right now, okay? You haven’t eaten bugger all in days, and if I’m about to pack my bags and run away with you I’d like to experience pizza for the last time, haha!” Gavin tried to ease the tension in the room but as Gavin had been walking slowly backwards, Ryan had been easing forwards with each step more threatening than the last. Gavin finally reached the doorknob of his apartment door, patted his pockets for his wallet and bolted out the door.

 

About an hour later Gavin was back outside of his apartment door, pizza box in hand, trying to gather the courage to turn the handle. He needed to have access to his apartment regardless of Ryans presence. Eventually after 5 minutes of anxious pacing, he opened the door and let his return be know.  
“Hey, I brought back pizza, just like I said I would!” Gavin shouted into the apartment. Nothing in return. _Good_ , Gavin thought, _he’s gone._ As much as Gavin was concerned for Ryans safety, he and one of his best friends had had their lives threatened by that man today, and he also just found out that he’s a murderer, accident or not. It sounded like a bodged up story anyway. As much as he didn’t want to sound unforgiving, are you supposed to react with sympathy towards a guy that tried to kill your closest friend?

Gavin put the pizza box on the side board in the kitchen and went into his room to dump his wallet and phone on the bed and maybe change into something more comfortable. He walked down the small hallway and as he pushed open his bedroom door, Ryan’s limp figure hung by his neck in a belt from the ceiling fan. Gavin collapsed to the ground in shock and looked to balance himself against the doorway. On the ground there was a post-it note with nothing written on it but the word “ _Lier._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that's the end of that fucking trainwreck  
> god  
> wow


End file.
